What is your favorite day of the school year?

We all have our favorites, and for a variety of reasons.

Mine is the end of the first day of school. Yeah, I'm getting pretty specific, and here's why.

The lead-up to Day 1 is exhausting.
Is your room ready? Are your papers laminated? Do you have your first week planned out? Is your team's pacing guide aligned? Do you have enough whiteboard markers? How about tissues? Speaking of tissue, do you have the extra roll of toilet paper... just in case? How are your students going to be? Are you going to have another "Fredy"? Did you grow enough since last year? Did you grow too much? Should you change your room up? Wait... the laminator broke?

I'm sweating just rehashing all of that. It happens. The week--or more--before school starts comes with a swirl of questions, concerns, and panic. Even in my nth year of teaching, I was worried about all of things and more.

Are the kids going to like me?
Maybe you don't care if your kids like you. After all, you're there to teach content. Or whatever. Me? I felt like my kids liking me and feeling safe in the confines of Room 203 made it easier for me to teach, easier for them to learn, and just an all-around better year. 

Especially going into my first year, and then again when I changed schools, there was no pre-constructed persona that students were warned about. To them, I'm just some young-ish white dude waiting to spew math in between their ears. It took a lot of hard work to break down the judgment and give them something to look forward to: me doing the best damn job I could on a daily basis.

Am I going to get to pee?
You might be laughing, but only because you know what I'm talking about. The first day (heck, the first 180) is filled with so much stuff, the kids are busy, the school is discombobulated, and your regular routine gets disrupted. 

I like to give new teachers a little "teacher hack" of mine and tell them to bring a large water bottle and drink from it often throughout the first couple weeks. It keeps your throat from getting dry and resists that first month cold that I suffered through so many times. Only downside? Where's all that water going...?

What is my first impression going to be?
As many of the people close to me know, I don't do well with memorized speeches. I love going off the cuff with a generic outline because, to me, it feels more authentic. Sure, there are key talking points and activities that we'll do on the first day, but I can't structure it out in a way that confines me. The repercussions of this is that I have to be mindful of what I say and how I say it. Did I come across as too mean? Sarcastic? Silly? They're teenagers and are judging me heavily. Do I have pit stains? Is my tie on right? I zipped up my pants... didn't I?


And then... the final bell.

It is finished.

I have survived day 1.

No, it is not my favorite because the first day of school has ended and I "only" have 179 more. It is not because my room is empty, because I don't have anything to grade (although that's a nice perk, too), or because parents aren't calling me.

The end of the first day of school is my favorite because, year after year, it reassures me that I am in the right profession and that everything is going to be alright.

I know that I have 179 more days to improve my relationship with my students.

I know that my pacing guide will be just fine.

I know that the work I put in before the year will pay off.

I know that, although I will have bad days, I have another great group of students.

I know that, above all else, education is the ideal profession and it is an honor to do this another year.

Happy "End of Day 1" Fishing

Enough. I'm done.

I'd like to say that this "Imposter Syndrome" that has overcome me is something new. I'd like to say that it's because of social media, or that it's because I have the need to maintain some sort of image. I'd like to even blame it on some level of narcissism, that I want to be the guy that people run to for help.

The truth, at least as far as my perspective allows me to see, is that the feeling of inferiority to my peers goes much further back than my days on the Internet. Even as a kid who made the All-State Teams in baseball and soccer, I felt like I was never really good, that I was picked out of pity... that I didn't belong. It wasn't until I went home recently where my parents objectively showed me things that proved yes, in fact, I earned those honors. I have earned my honors. That is not and easy thing to digest.

I took an intentional couple months away from social media and meaningful blogging to see if this habit would eat me up. It didn't. In fact, the time away made me realize how fulfilling my life really was, how much my family meant to me, and where my compass needed to be pointed in order for me to be happy.

I dipped my toes into a couple interviews and was enlightened for a variety of reasons. They humbled me, but they also made me come to terms with where I am and the person I am aiming to be. So, with that, my decree to myself for the 2018-19 school year:

I promise to myself, and to anyone who will listen, that I will put my family before anything else. That includes conferences, workshops, events, and extras, unless previously arranged or free from conflict.

I promise to not seek the next badge, the next certificate, the next opportunity that will help me keep up with the crowd.

I promise to not get (too) jealous when seeing others attend camps, conferences, and events that I know would benefit me.

I promise to not feel the need to read every educational "must-read" or be a part of every book study that will make me a better teacher, coach, or person.

I promise to attend rehab to fix a part of me that has broken for a long, long time.

I promise to build deeper relationships with those I care about, either in person, online, or both.

I promise to continue promoting my works in a positive light, but not use them as a metric of my success.

I promise to use whatever privilege I have to continue doing good things to support others in need.

I promise to refrain from picking up yet another big project unless I am certain it will not interfere with my family, my friends, or current projects in which I am invested.

I promise to take more time away from social media and reallocate it to my family and friends.

I promise to help those who need it, but not get caught up in trying to fix every problem I see.

I promise to seek out diverse spaces and give my kids--and myself--chances to hear perspectives that are unlike my own.

I promise to value myself, and see myself as a valued member of the communities in which I associate.

I thank you, the folks who stop by this space, for holding me accountable on these promises I am making to myself and to you. I want to help. I want to be the guy you go to when you need something. I want to be part of the revolution that makes learning a space that is equitable, fair, and just. I want to be all of that. But, in order to do that, I need your help.

Happy "Promises Kept" Fishing
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